Saturday, May 7, 2011

Tough Times

I feel a little guilty when I think about how long it's been since I last posted. Especially because I'm one of those people that likes to start things, but then gets easily distracted and doesn't necessarily follow through with "the plan". I really want to stick to this.

So, on to the reason why I haven't posted recently... My dog, Bella, has cancer. She's been to 2 different vets and an animal oncologist over the past week. Yesterday is when we received the news. It's Stage III lymphoma. We were told that she had 6 weeks left with us, at best, if we chose to not do the chemotherapy, and only 6-9 months if we did. During the chemo treatments, she would lose almost all of her fur and energy. Diarrhea and vomiting would be constant throughout the day, and we would be choosing this life for her in hopes that the cancer would go into remission. We decided against it...

This was such a difficult choice for us. Bella just turned 2 at the end of March. She had so little time with us, and it kills us to know that she won't be able to enjoy a long life with her family. My husband and I have been beside ourselves with grief. This will be the first "pet loss" for both of us, and my first significant loss. I've never had anyone close to me pass on. Not only do I have to experience it with my dog, who has loved me unconditionally, but I may have to choose how long she lives. I don't want her to suffer, and if she doesn't go naturally, and if the cancer progresses to the point that she can't enjoy being alive, we will have to make the decision to let her go...

Right now, we're taking things one step at a time, and we cherish the days that we have with her. She is such a loving spirit. She's silly and clumsy, and her eyes really are a window to her soul. She's one of the sweetest dogs I've ever encountered.

I wish I could sound more encouraging and uplifting, but the truth is... I feel like I'm in a daze. One of the few things helping me right now is music. So, I'll share a few songs with you.


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