Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Who I am vs. Who I was

I've been thinking about who I am a lot lately... I was 21 years old when I got married, and in the past 2 years, I've changed a lot. But is that necessarily a bad thing? I shouldn't be expected to stay the same way I was, right? I mean, I'm basically still a child. I'm still learning about life, about myself. I'm sorry that I'm not the same person I was then, but...should I have to apologize for that? What person stays the exact same way their whole life?

I've changed my hair. I've gotten tattoos. I've gotten piercings. My views have changed. My attitude has changed. My taste for music, food, and art has changed. But isn't that what life is about? Experiencing everything in your own unique way?

I don't want to look back on my life and feel held back by the people around me. I don't criticize, analyze, or judge you for your preferences. So why would you do that to me? Why did you expect me to not change? And why are you so disappointed in the person I'm "becoming"? I still treat people with respect. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I work hard, love to the extreme, and enjoy the simple things of life. To me, it seems like the major things that you should expect to stay the same, concerning me and my personality, have. How is it my fault that you expected me to keep my long, dark, boring hair the same way?...Or to wear the same drab clothing?...Or to not get interested in body art? Those were your expectations.

I read today on Tumblr that Change is the only constant.

You shouldn't have placed unrealistic expectations on me. I didn't expect you to stay exactly the same, and because I love you, if you chose to change certain things about yourself I would take an interest in them because I knew they interested you...

This is the person that I am becoming. If you don't want to tag along for the ride, then let me know now. I'm not going to give up things that interest me because you don't like them. I've never really been a "rebellious" person, but that seems pretty controlling. And I refuse to be put in a cage for the rest of my life.

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